Lucrezia Magazine

Who I am

Bisexuality and the BDSM Community

As a bisexual woman, I have the capacity to love and sexually be with a person of either sex. Due to misconception, bisexuality is sometimes referred to as promiscuity, polygamy, ‘living the swinging lifestyle’ and/or being ‘confused’.# Furthermore, the erroneous idea that bisexuals carry STDs simply supports fear of a widespread sexual orientation. Some believe that people who express their sexuality as Bi are in fact following a trend, publicized by celebrities and media idols. It took me many years to come to terms with my desire and my need to romantically, sexually and emotionally connect to someone of the same sex.

The use of the words ‘normal’ or ‘abnormal’, when talking about a sexual practice, is based on the ethical and moral standards that religious beliefs, law or other human codes place upon sexuality in all its many forms. The term ‘violent pornography’ instills panic about the categorization of still images and motion productions of a kind that the majority of western society enjoys. Yet the mainstream of the sexual freedom revolution has created and encouraged an information web that can both liberate and suppress the infinite possibilities and questions created by individuals.

For my part, the internet freed me from the guilt and shame I carried in regards to my sexual needs. It helped me to realize my desires through insight into the sexual practices of a community that declared ‘safe, sane and consensual’ as an ideal and principle – the BDSM community. The images I looked at educated me in the anodyne practice of BDSM, and made clear the levels of physical well-being and emotional security required to engage in the lifestyle. These images, and the webpages that hosted them, provided instruction and support, and revealed a community of genuine people, many of whom have become my close friends.

I have learnt ethics from people in this lifestyle; people who some see as deviant, perverse abusers who should be stricken from society. These principles challenge the stereotype of those engaged in the BDSM lifestyle, and the majority of society could learn from them.

• Fidelity: this is loyalty at its finest, always faithful. Fidelity applies not just to the loyalty of an individual to their partner, but also to their entire household, and to their extended family/friends in the community.

• Integrity: this embraces both consistency and truthfulness. Mean what you say, say what you mean, or say nothing at all. Walk the walk, don't just talk the talk. Never be deceitful.

• Honour: this is a personal code often associated with warrior traditions. One's honour is an extension of one’s self and represents what is highest and best in the person. Your honour is affected by your adherence to all of the other values within the lifestyle you follow.

• Courtesy and Hospitality: these are core values shared by many cultures. They dictate how we treat guests, how we are to interact with others etc. Note that the imperative to be courteous applies equally to primary relationships and all others.

• Dedication: this relates to the duty to improve oneself at all times, regardless of status within the community’s continuum. One consciously practises the skills, techniques, values and philosophies of the particular lifestyle one adheres to. This embraces the dedication of an individual in making his/her relationship the best it can possibly be, and dedicating him/herself to another completely, with honest trust and communication.

• Proficiency: it is imperative that a person develops their skills to a level of competent proficiency, and constantly works to improve those skills. Many lifestyles have a formal series of steps one goes through before one earns a specific competency and reputation for emotional safety and physical protection.

• Appreciation: we learn to appreciate that each person’s gifts, talents, roles and practices are important. Each interaction shows consideration for personal boundaries and acknowledges every unique request.