Read More>
Art Feature
Ups, Downs, Ins and Outs: An Enthusiastís Guide to Erections and Orgasms
by Alex

Sex is as varied as those who indulge in it and therefore a unique experience for everyone, on every occasion. How, when, where and who you have sex with moulds the experience making every occasion an adventure into new territory. As a guide to the erections and orgasms that I experience what follows serves to guide the uninitiated through at least part of my sexual landscape.

My Erections

The Morning Glory

Familiar to everyone I think. Embarrassing for pubescent boys, if their mother sees them on the way to the bathroom. Painful if you turn over too fast in bed with one and rub the end up on the sheets. In my experience, the Morning Glory is sometimes useful, sometimes not, for the early morning shag.

The Public Transport Tent Pole

Occurs without warning when travelling on public transport: when youíre wearing shorts or light cotton trousers. Itís more likely to happen if you are sitting across from an old lady or creepy looking guy in a raincoat. Itís absolutely guaranteed to happen to teenage boys when they have nothing to cover it with (newspaper, schoolbag etc). Donít try covering it with your hand; it looks like your having a wank. The PTTP is almost as difficult to get rid of as an ďEverlastĒ.

The Comforting Semi

Caused by the movement of a train, car, boat, lovers hand through clothing. A hot swelling that lies against your thigh and lets you know that youíre a guy: the male equivalent of chocolate.

The Sock Full Of Sand

The heavier cousin of the ďComforting SemiĒ. Bigger, meatier, it swings around between your legs like a hot salami. No use for sex but great for slapping girlís tits with.

The Raging Bull

When fully erect my penis is at its happiest. Unfortunately it does occasionally get carried away. When this happens a ďRaging BullĒ ensues. Itís great for Suze as like an ďEverlastĒ you canít get rid of it so get the lube ready and keep checking to make sure she hasnít fainted! Itís big itís purple on the end and hard as steel. Unfortunately it rarely results in an orgasm on my part.

The ďEverlastĒ

The ďEverlastĒ may start off as a raging bull, but does eventually provide a huge ejaculation and monumental orgasm. Like the Raging Bull, itís great for the ladies and will not go down even if hit with a mallet. Unlike the Raging Bull, when I ejaculate it stays hard for up to five minutes and doesnít seem to suffer the post-ejaculation tenderness I often get. Again, great for the ladies as when they think itís all over it isnít.

The Perfect Ten

Not quite as painfully hard as a Raging Bull, but hard enough to be wanked, fellated, slid into a moist pussy or tit wanked; it cums when it needs to and goes back to sleep afterwards: Excellent orgasm. The ď10Ē has one identifying feature. No, not that itís ten inches long, that would be a big fat lie. No, if I wave my hips from side to side the weight of the tissue and blood pulls on my penile suspensory ligaments and provides a most pleasurable sensation from the base, up the side and to the tip of my cock.

My Orgasms

Synaesthesia is something that has always been with me, but I never actually acknowledged it simply because I assumed everyone experienced sensation in the same way. The realization that not everyone feels colours as part of their experience of sensations (including orgasms) opened my eyes (metaphorically) to what a gift I have been given.

Synesthesia is difficult to describe in words. What we really need is a Matrix style spike in the back of our respective heads. Though then youíd be able to see the rest of my mind, some of which is not so pretty. My orgasms are intimately wrapped up with my synaesthesia, so please bear that in mind when reading what follows.

The Wet Dream Squirt (WDS)

My first experience of orgasm was, in common with most men, while I was asleep. The climax to my early wet dreams is something that I still remember despite the intervening years.

Masturbation came later (no pun intended). My experience of wet dream orgasms is of becoming hard, my cock feeling restricted. Then as the moment of climax approaches a building feeling of excitement and pressure fills my groin. The ejaculation, when it finally arrived, was accompanied by- what in the dream felt like- a frantic rubbing and thrusting. Obviously I was grinding into the bed, and as I knew no better this was obviously my dream representation of penetration.

The ejaculation itself was a physical effort; I felt my body forcefully pump every last drop of semen from the base of my scrotum to the end of my glans. As I have too much sex to have wet dreams any more (unless Suze grabs hold of my cock when Iím asleep and delicately brings me off) I donít experience this now.

The Pulsing Torrent

Another type I donít get too often, except when Suze gives me one of her fantastic blowjobs. I know I keep complimenting her on her fellatio technique, but itís true, sheís brilliant at it. Anyway, this one feels a little like the Wet Dream Squirt but is freer flowing as it usually happens when masturbating after a long period of not ejaculating, say a couple of days. Due to the volume of ejaculate I feel every drop being pumped along my stiff cock in pulsing waves. The Pulsing Torrent is easier to describe than the WDS, as Iím conscious when it happens.

As I said I only tend to feel this now when Suze gives me a BJ as a) itís rare I go for more than 8 hours without sex and b) I rarely masturbate, unless Suze asks me to.

The Triumphal Scream

If the sex has been good, hard and long this is what I experience: A blue-white ball of sensation in my groin, which passes up through my body, via the small of my back and up my spine. It then crawls up my neck and as I ejaculate, it bursts in a steel-blue-white spiky halo around my head, and is accompanied by a triumphant, ďOh yes!Ē or simply a non-verbal gasp.

The Lupus Climax

The Lupus Climax is similar to the Triumphal Scream but subtly wolf-like in conclusion. I have apparently almost howled, though I was not aware of doing it at the time. The halo is slightly more white-yellow than the TS.

The Contracted Tantra

We donít practice the Tantra, lack of patience I suppose. But we do have sort of a contracted Tantra. If we are screwing and Suze is cumming over and over I often reach the point of climax over and over, but draw myself back at the penultimate moment. This denial of the orgasm builds, leading to cataclysmic explosion of sensation when I finally do cum. Colours, predominantly white, and often a whole body experience, leaving me almost delirious. However the colours do vary quite a lot.

The Sweat Agony

The ultimate manifestation of the Contracted Tantra. If CT is performed for long enough, orgasm after orgasm postponed, the final climax is painful and I genuinely do almost pass out. Showers of multi-coloured sparks cover my body and run all over it like jewelled scarabs. Finally they melt into my skin and leave me in the closest place to Nirvana Iíve ever been.

The Every Last Drop

Very little colour but if Iím feeling particularly full of testosterone as I cum my body pumps and pumps at my balls and prostate until they almost squeak. This is one of the instances where I often try to crawl inside Suze with my final thrusts, my pelvis jerking and grinding involuntarily into her.

The Ursa Major

One of my favourites. The Ursa Major produces a huge variety of colours, is often a full body orgasm and features lots of growling and grinding. To have reached this stage, Suze is usually only just lucid due to the duration of the sex. So she just lays there panting in her warm post-orgasmic pool and enjoys the sound of me getting my rocks off.


In reality all of the above is just a taste of what I experience. While the taxonomy of my experience is accurate the infinite blending of sensations from the first stirrings of erection to the ultimate heights of ecstasy can never be documented absolutely. Sex is an experience, one born from an alchemic fusion of your state of mind, the moment and your partner. It has a mystery and power that defies accurate description yet compels me to try.


© 2006-2007 Alex

Ups, Downs, Ins and Outs: An Enthusiastís Guide to Erections and Orgasms was published in Alex and Suze's intrepid blog Alexsuze. Alex and Suze reside in the United Kingdom, and have educated, entertained and reviewed readers for more than two years. Their blog turns three in 2008, so wish them a happy blog-birthday. Alex and Suze have also established, an online adult resource that specializes in reviews and articles. A dynamic couple, their work has appeared in Oysters and Chocolate, Pleasuresensor and currently, Sexshop 365.